Book #7:

He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
Author: Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
Simon & Schuster, 2006

My sister said to me the other day, "If you had a magical genie on your shoulder that could offer you anything and it would happen right away, what would you want?"

I couldn't give her a straight answer. I came up with a few scenarios, but everything seemed to involve hardships or complications I wasn't willing to face. She let me think about what I wanted, but allowed me to see what it meant to get it. I stumbled and mumbled and contradicted myself. I swore a fair bit. So what, she ended up saying, do you really want?

Her point was to remind me of the realities of life. That nothing is so simple, and that pinpointing what we want, what we truly, ultimately desire for ourselves, comes with a road that's not always easy to follow. A road -- oh God how I hated this discovery -- that is not always even possible. She wanted me, really, to see the bigger picture. And to be more realistic about that picture.

Ugh -- doesn't it suck when someone cracks you out of your fantasy world? When someone is able to counter every fantasy-based notion you have? You say one thing, they counter it with solid arguments. You argue, they argue back. And they keep arguing until you sit silent and fold, because they're right. "You can't start," my sister says, "until you know where you want to finish."

I complained: But I can't do it!

She came back with: "Of course you can. You have no other choice,"

My point? My sister, turns out, is like my very own Greg Behrendt, just a text message away from ultimate, uncompromising truth. This is the way it is -- see it now. Greg's book with Liz Tuccillo does not contain the advice I need just at this point, but even if you're not looking for guy-advice, Greg's no-bullshit style is a great motivator to get yourself together and start separating the good from the bad in your life. That's what I got from this one, anyway. And I decided just how useful the thing would have been ten years ago when I was wrapped up that "does he love me" cycle of girlie crap. Greg's advice: If he does love you, you'll never be asking that question. It's so true, too. Greg lets us know that a dude that wants you will let you know evey way he can. And if you've ever been loved, ever been pursued, ever known what it means to really be wanted -- you'll understand the truth of that.

I enjoyed that -- Greg's breaking down of Guy Behaviour. And it's really not that complicated. If he's into you, he'll show it. Full stop. The book is written mainly in Q&A, with a deluded woman asking Greg if her abusive/non-committal/busy/married/sick/scared/rich/poor/young/old man is into her. And Greg tells it like it is -- he's doesn't want to go out with you, calls you fat, has a wife, says he's scared, forgets to ring, never makes dates, sleeps on the couch... then he's not that into you and a fox like you deserves more.

Well, you wanna say, if it were only so simple, but then you realise it is.

Downside? It's assumed in the book that women are perfect. Greg goes out of his way to remind us chicks of how hot we are and how wanted we are and how wasting time on non-committal men is just wasting our foxy energy. So the book misses when it comes to looking at women themselves, and their complexities. Not every woman is a smart, sexy, successful Liz Tuccillo. Some of us come with scars. I don't think it's entirely fair to blame male behaviour solely on maleness, which I feel this book at times does. But then Greg's not a psychologist, and I think his audience here probably is women like Liz Tuccillo who have much of their shit together already and just need the man part of the puzzle to slot in and fit.

It's a small criticism, though, because this is, essentially, a lighthearted look at truth in dating and romance. And Greg's forthrightness is addictive. He won't let you wallow, he won't let you question and back answer and excuse. He'll just give you fun, straightforward truth.

He should write a book with my sister.